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Head-bobbing, brightly coloured, and somehow always first to the ball.
| # | Player | G | A | Y | R | ||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dooles Pumperdoodle | GK | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Set-Piece Taker |
| 2 | Bisceria Kerannickel | DF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Squad player |
| 3 | Pickers Wobblesworth | FW | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | Squad player |
| 4 | Noomo Crumpufmuffin | FW | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | Squad player |
| 5 | Bumyrine Cheddlingmilk | GK | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Cult Hero |
| 6 | Biscuit Vandglessnoot | FW | 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Set-Piece Taker |
| 7 | Statyrine Pickermilk | DF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Brick Wall |
| 8 | Hollers Snickarworth | DF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Brick Wall |
| 9 | Statalade Buttglesman | MF | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | Squad player |
| 10 | Gadgkle Wobblefield | MF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Poacher |
| 11 | Biscjack Kerglescuddy | DF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Squad player |
| 12 | Junnut Crumpdlepatch | DF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | Clutch |
| 14 | Wobget Wobbglescatcher | MF | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | Squad player |
| 17 | Waffango Kerblesstaff | MF | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 🩹 Severe |